"Tiny bubbles in the wine, make me happy…"

So there I am, sitting on the couch last night, reading a book, and all I could think about was the bottle of Champagne that was sitting in my refrigerator, all chilly willy. I probably read the same paragraph 5 times because I couldn’t seem to pay attention—I was continually distracted by thoughts of popping the cork. Problem was, the bottle was given to me as a birthday gift, meant to be cracked ON my birthday (4/1) as part of the celebration. Putting the bottle in the fridge was easily the stupidest thing I did last Friday because I knew that once it was cold, I’d want it. In fact, in the silence of my evening, if I listened closely, I could hear a muted female impersonation of Don Ho singing “Tiny Bubbles” coming from inside the fridge. I think the cats heard it, too, but they don’t like bubbles.

This may sound inconsequential, but to me it’s torture. Painful, agonizing, cruel torture. It doesn’t happen with any other wine, either—only bubbles. Could I crack the bottle and have my dear friend be none the wiser? Absolutely (although she reads the blog so now I’m screwed). But the point is that, believe it or not, I have a conscience. If someone gives me a gift with stipulations, I tend to follow them in the spirit with which the gift was given. Because with my luck, that friend will show up at my front door to celebrate my birthday and I’ll be caught sans bottle. Oh, the humanity. So as of today, the bottle of Champagne is still sitting in the fridge, singing the song of sirens. BUT…I’ve now made plans to be out on my birthday (a soft opening celebration of the Dregs Report which goes live April 1) so the plot thickens. Is it, in fact, OK to open the blasted bottle of beautiful bubbles now? What say you? Can I pop the cork with a clean conscience? A friend who truly loves you wouldn’t want you to feel tortured, right? The thought of going home tonight and opening it, all while giddily singing “happy birthday to me” is almost too much for any human to contain.

No in-depth analysis of the wine industry here. No glorious food porn. Just a woman whose bubble-loving soul is in agony, pleading from behind your computer screen with big puppy-dog eyes. Yes or no?

Tagged as: Champagne