"I just might stop to check you out…"

Something is very wrong in this warped little world when my wine gets to accessorize better than I do. As wine lovers, I’m sure we’ve all gotten our share of useless wine-related gifts that we’ve either re-gifted, thrown in a kitchen drawer or used to pry open a jar of pickles, so when we treat ourselves to one, it should be really worthwhile. “Socks” for your wine glasses, by the way, do NOT fall under the worthwhile umbrella.

I’ve been wanting to do this post for a while, cuz I’ve seen a lot of really cool wine stuff out there, have received a couple of great samples, and have also seen a lifetime’s worth of crap. OK, fine, I’m sure somebody finds this glorified doggie bowl adorable for instance, but the $185 price tag is nauseating. You know how much wine I could buy with that cash? Or dog food for that matter? All that just so your pooch can leave a trail of drool across your glorified $185 feed bag.

This one is easily one of the best finds out there. Made by a company called Simply Bags, this wine tote not only has a center divider so you can carry 4 bottles of wine as well as a corkscrew that comes attached, but it’s INSULATED and LINED so you can fill it with ice and use it as a makeshift ice bucket, like I did!! Single greatest feature ever if you are poolside or beachfront and wanna keep your grape juice cool.

OK, next on the list of complete pieces of crap is the wine glass flip flop. What in the name of God were these people smoking? If you have that much time on your hands, go feed the homeless or something, will you? Regardless of what your friends say, you are not creative and these will not be the next big thing. If it doesn’t have five toes on it, it should not be in a flip flop.

On the other hand, if you’re going to accessorize your wine glass anyway, regardless of what I say, I thought these charms were pretty damned cool. There are tons of different themes to choose from, like retro posters, gothic art, Gustav Klimt works and pin-up girls.

Not to be outdone by accessories for your wine, are wine-related accessories for other stuff. For instance, look at this lovely candle “holder” made out of corks. Not only does it look like a third-grade art project gone wrong, but it doesn’t technically hold the candles as the name implies, and although cork is fire retardant, it’s not exactly fireproof. However, the tree branch wreath which the corks are attached to—well, last time I checked wood was pretty fire friendly.

Back to the cool stuff, this company makes small “bottlenote” greeting cards that attach to the wine bottle’s neck if you’re giving a gift. I’ve already waxed eloquent about Cerebral Itch’s removable bottle labels, but these are a different take—they open up so you can write something inside. The line could use some pre-printed sentiments as well, but it’s a really cute idea.

OK, last one folks. These drinking glasses made from recycled wine bottles. I now know what I wanna do with my enormous collection of unique wine bottles—just gotta find me a diamond saw, a set of goggles and a glass of bourbon to steady the hands.

Tagged as: Wine Accessories